I started 2019 fresh off being baptized, with a craving to know more about who God is and what His will for my life is. Through prayer, God gave me a word for the year; Trust.
When I first thought about the word trust, I thought He was intending me to trust Nick more. Coming through some very trying things, I knew our trust needed to be restored. In my mind, I knew trust was the perfect word for my year. Because God is so much bigger, the word trust was so much more than the trust between my husband and me.
As I walked through the year, I felt God stretching me in ways I’d never felt. It was like going to the gym and working out, then waking up with sore muscles you never knew were there. I was learning more and feeling more. God was using every situation, every trial, to teach me to trust Him more. I would feel Him at church urging me to give offerings of money that was so tight. I learned to lean into trusting my Father with everything. The amazing gifts He was pouring out onto our family is a post in itself (I promise to write more on that later). As He called me to trust Him more, I began to grow in all the fruits of the Spirit, especially peace, patience, and joy.
Recently, I have been struggling with patience. I will snap at my kids and immediately come to them (sometimes crying) asking for their forgiveness, and apologizing for my anger and lack of self control. I opened up to a sweet friend, and sister in Christ about it and she gave me words that were 100% from God. She told me, “You have an unlimited supply of patience in the Father and by His Spirit He will give it you if you ask in the Holy name of Jesus and believe it.” Believe it, trusting Him. God totally reminded me though her message that I needed to trust that He would provide me with the patience I so needed. I had been praying for patience, but I wasn’t praying from a heart posture of trust, or truly believing He would provide.
Since God used her to shift my heart back to a posture of trust, I have again seen His fruit in my actions and days. Am I perfect? Certainly not, but He is providing exactly what I need, when I need it, when I truly believe in His goodness.