Remembering to Trust

I started 2019 fresh off being baptized, with a craving to know more about who God is and what His will for my life is. Through prayer, God gave me a word for the year; Trust.

When I first thought about the word trust, I thought He was intending me to trust Nick more. Coming through some very trying things, I knew our trust needed to be restored. In my mind, I knew trust was the perfect word for my year. Because God is so much bigger, the word trust was so much more than the trust between my husband and me.

As I walked through the year, I felt God stretching me in ways I’d never felt. It was like going to the gym and working out, then waking up with sore muscles you never knew were there. I was learning more and feeling more. God was using every situation, every trial, to teach me to trust Him more. I would feel Him at church urging me to give offerings of money that was so tight. I learned to lean into trusting my Father with everything. The amazing gifts He was pouring out onto our family is a post in itself (I promise to write more on that later). As He called me to trust Him more, I began to grow in all the fruits of the Spirit, especially peace, patience, and joy.

Recently, I have been struggling with patience. I will snap at my kids and immediately come to them (sometimes crying) asking for their forgiveness, and apologizing for my anger and lack of self control. I opened up to a sweet friend, and sister in Christ about it and she gave me words that were 100% from God. She told me, “You have an unlimited supply of patience in the Father and by His Spirit He will give it you if you ask in the Holy name of Jesus and believe it.” Believe it, trusting Him. God totally reminded me though her message that I needed to trust that He would provide me with the patience I so needed. I had been praying for patience, but I wasn’t praying from a heart posture of trust, or truly believing He would provide.

Since God used her to shift my heart back to a posture of trust, I have again seen His fruit in my actions and days. Am I perfect? Certainly not, but He is providing exactly what I need, when I need it, when I truly believe in His goodness.

Cooking with a 4 year old definitely requires patience

My Paper Shredder

A few months back, Grayson and I both learned valuable lessons.
Grayson loves his scissors.  If he could sit at the table all day and cut tiny pieces of paper he would.  Instead of wasting perfectly good, white printer paper, I will give him junk mail and other various papers from our shred pile.  He is an incredibly effective paper destroyer, cutting a single piece of paper into a million little scraps.  

On the day of this particular story, I had some cash sitting in an envelope on the counter. I ran upstairs to grab something, forgetting all about the moola on the counter, and not 2 minutes later, was back downstairs, washing dishes or preparing food, you know, typical mom stuff.  Grayson came up to me and in his adorable deep, raspy voice proudly stated, “I cut a hundred dollars.”  I thought nothing of it because both Stella and Grayson will cut paper and act like it’s money and ask to buy cars (Grayson) or clothes (Stella).  I laughed and said something along the lines of, “Oh, that’s great buddy.”  

After the last word left my mouth, my stomach dropped and I gasped. I sprang into action, yanking his scissors from his clammy toddler hands, and running to the dining room table to find that he had, in fact, cut a hundred dollars.  Well, $180 to be exact.  I turned to Grayson, and in a rage whisper told him to go to his room.  He obeyed uncharacteristically well, and promptly went to his room.

While Grayson was in his room, I called my bank, and through stifled laughter told them the story and asked what I should do.  Turns out, you can tape money back together and use it like normal, but having worked in retail, we chose to take it to the bank and trade it for intact money.  Thank goodness he hadn’t gone completely Edward Scissor Hands on the money.  Each bill only had two or three large pieces we had to puzzle back together.

That day, Grayson learned that we don’t cut anything that mommy doesn’t give us, especially money, and if we do, mommy will sanction scissor probation.  I learned leaving cash within reaching distance is a no-no, and that my rage whisper mixed with crazy eyes is shockingly effective.

Welcome to Faithfully Chasing After

Welcome to this new space.  Faithfully Chasing After was born from the idea that “happily ever after” is not the story I want my life to tell.  I want to tell of my journey in motherhood, Faithfully Chasing After my two spirited children; my journey Faithfully Chasing After my husband’s heart, and learning to love him better; and most importantly my journey Faithfully Chasing After God’s heart and His will for my life.  

I want to preface this all by stating I am not a professional at anything in life.  I am still in process and the opinions that I share, and my knowledge on things is ever changing.  I have had this title, Faithfully Chasing After, on my heart for about a year, but I didn’t want to start writing until I felt like I had a better grasp on faith, marriage, motherhood, and life in general.  I recently realized if I wait to have a better grasp on everything, I will never take this step into something I’m feeling called to. 

So, here it goes. I hope you enjoy the content.  If you have differing views, or my theology is off (ALERT: not a theologian over here), please don’t hesitate to reach out.  I am always willing to hear and learn.  I hope you enjoy what I will be sharing.